A feeling.

I think someone's mad at me. I'm sorry.

Rw.

"I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution" -Jack's Mannequin.

A resolution, that's what I need. Ta-dum di-dum.

Because I can't study.

Just a quick post.

I miss you. HAHA. Apakan, that's NOT what I wanted to say ;)

I have this ultimate headache, second only to that huge massive hole in my heart.

If only this kind of bullshit was flowing through my ink as I was doing my English paper.

Life never seemed so depressing.

I think I'm apathetic.

I can't seem to be enthusiastic about anything anymore.

Except for the rain.

And my friends. I love them, haha. Wow, this cheered me up. Now off to another depressing session of physics and biology.

Soccer!

Woohooooo, football! :D

For the first time in months, oh dear beloved readers, I am going to play with balls. :D No innuendos there. Apakan, hoho.

Being in the so-called 'nerd-class' does has its flip-sides. One of them, no physical education for the whole year. Yeah, so sad.

I don't mind though but it's just sad to be with your friends while they talk about something you have no idea about. It's as if you're intruding but you don't really have anywhere else to go. Haha, apakan.

So yeah, football at the JKR football field. Where's that? HAHA. I have 40 minutes to figure that out.

4 hours of football, hee. I can't wait! Sorry Hutchings, let's reschedule our date, lets say, 10am tomorrow?

Oh shoot, tomorrow's Friday. That means the next day is Saturday. Thus, it would only be logical that the day after would be Sunday. :(

Ergo, I have 3 days left (not counting today) before school reopens! :|

So far, I've only covered biology but that's not even done yet. I still have physics, chemistry, maths and English. Yeah, another flip-side to being in the nerd-class.

Hmm, yeah.

So readers, got to go. See you :)

Ambil kari!

I dedicated my day to biology.

And I kept my word. I revised core A, C and F. ;)

So um, yeah. :p

I've been at home, locked in and all, haha no lah. But I do feel imprisoned, so 'contained'. I need to break free. Soon, soon. Tomorrow anyway ;)

So, yeah. I was planning to make another emo post but somehow, something is stopping me. Well. someone to be precise.

Anyway, I just realized something a few months ago (wth?). I am a pessimist, probably the worst kind. The worse of the worse, in fact. But it is my ability to look beyond that that makes me an optimist. And I am by far, a very very optimistic person. I am sure everyone would agree with that, haha.

So here's my definition of optimisism: a pessimist is someone who sees something in the worst light possible but an optimist is someone who sees that light but tries to look beyond.

So in a way, we optimists (not to be confused with Optimus, which I also am) also do see what you pessimists do, it's just that we don't dwindle there to long. We know that that's the worst that could happen, so everything else just somehow seems more brighter. Meaning that when you focus on something bad, you'll never be happy.

Everyone is born a pessimist. It's up to you to stay that way and die miserable or be like us and live happy :D

So yeah, that's my cue to know that I'm officially drowsy, haha. Maybe it's all the painkillers, haha.

Actually, I'm just making this post to say that I studied today. :)

Oh, to make this more happy and fun, I'll write something I haven't done in ages.

Last night, I met my cousin.

Me: Wow, hi Jim.
Jim: Hi.
Me: Umm..
Jim: Yeah?
Me: Either aku makin tinggi or you shrunk masa di sana, HAHA.
*awkward silence*
Me: Well, hmm.. yeah.
Jim: Yeah.
Me: I think I know you why, haha. Pasal sana panas kan, yatah air keluar dari your body due to osmosis..
Jim: Mmmmbah Nafi, ku ke Mekah karang balik. Baik pulang ku doakan kau tu di sana. Macam makin crack kau ah, haha. Ooooo, riben pink.
Nafi: Oh.. hmm, wah katak!

HAHAHA. Apakan, it was funny. Pfft, who cares what you think, pessimist bastards ;)

Autobots, roll out.

A mistake?

Okay, so now I really, really want to change back my relationship status on facebook, haha. Apparently, it's giving the opposite of my desired effect.

What I wanted was for people to get off my back but then, more people are actually starting to pester me about it. But I've gone too far, guess I just have to stick with it, haha. Who knows, I might weather the storm in due time and maybe that's when the effect will kick in.

To everyone, I am sorry :)

So, on a lighter note, there'll be this JIS scholarship talk today and yeah, I just woke up, HAHA. Zirah, why, oh why am I still waking up at 12pm eventhough I slept at 12am? If that was the case, I should've just slept at 5.30am, I'll still wake up at 12pm, haha.

I don't want to go to the talk. :s

Mostly because I have better things to do and partly because I won't even consider the move anyway. Why damn myself to be a teacher when I still have a lot of opportunities in front of me?

So yeah, I am now officially motivated to study. School's still out and scholarship results are in the open, I guess I have nothing else to lose other than my future, so what the hell?

A neurosurgeon, a biologist, an engineer, a teacher, whatever. It doesn't matter what I want to be because I will still have to study, haha apakan.

Success, here I come. ;)

Oh, yeah. I want to maybe start this group of people where we'll devote ourselves to studying outside school. A band of nerds? ;p

No, this group won't just be studying, we'll live the subjects, we'll live our lives. We will study and we will enjoy it, haha. Yeah, corny, so what? ;)

I am not too nice. I am sincere whenever I offer my help and please do not question me.

One of those guys.

I would give anything, anything at all, to be just like all those other guys.

I don't give a damn if that makes me common but I just hate being different. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Umm.. yeah.

So uh, haha, I really want to talk about something so badly but I just can't put it into words.

Okay, maybe next time.

Good Lord.

I was kinda bored so I decided to change my blog layout. Like it? ;)

I want to write about stuff but nothing is coming out so I guess that's about it. Say something on my tagboard, o' invisible readers :)

Okay, maybe I have something to say.

I hate my life :)

Nah, just kidding, I have nothing to say...

Okay, maybe I do have something on my mind, haha.

Atu, something is bothering me.

Yeah, that's all, haha.

Broken strings.

Hey, I got myself $1 from Mr. Ray George for my English letter. He called it excellent, I call it rubbish. ;) Woohoo, I improved!

I had conversations with Wana and Faruq the day before yesterday and what we concluded was that opposite attracts. Seriously, cause we couldn't find much that we have in common except for a few random and useless ones. However, that theory is very likely. As like most other things in the universe, unlike pairs tend to form stronger bonds than like pairs. So yeah, I hope it's true. Like pairs do attract to each other as well but by covalent bonds which are also relatively strong but takes a long time to build but hard to break. Wow, haha.

I've been reading biology notes for days now. I know I should be focusing more on chemistry and additional mathematics since the exam is just a little more than 5 days from now but I promised Ms. Juraidah that I'll get 100% for our next biology test, which is tomorrow. I'm positively positive that I can do it cause I have Wana to help me. We both know how the rats died now, right? ;)

Life has been.. great recently. It's been all smiles lately but I do miss talking with them. Maybe when all my exams are over and done with, I'll come back to them. Like the great David Cook sang and I quote, "When you've find you, come back to me". :)

So anyway, school has been mentally AND physically demanding. Don't believe me? I lost 13kg since school started. See, this is very strange and serious. School shouldn't be this exhausting.

Oh, Kris Allen won by the way. ;) Loving this. Just seems like all my American Idol favourites keep winning the Idol, haha.

Liverpool didn't win this season though but that's okay, we have next season to really look forward to. We ended the season on a high with dozens of records broken and spectacular performances from the team. Keep it up, YNWA!

Exhausted.

I managed to sell more than half of Cici's Shepherd's Pie and Zah's Batik Cake with our very own aspiring salesgirl, Aqilah Ariffin! Eventhough you kept taking over my jobs and pushing me closer and closer to the drain, it was fun seeing you make a fool enjoying yourself ;)

It's deja vu all over again today as this was my third consecutive year to qualify for the 100m race but didn't run. On my defence, I was busy running the MP Cafe to care and I just knew that I was selected that morning. So sorry Laksaman, that's why we lost. But not to worry, I have a fool-proof idea on how we're going to win back the title next year! Interested? Tag me.

It's easy to say that MP Cafe was a total success. We managed to raise.. a lot of money. I'm not sure how much but it a sight to behold. Most of it came from the drinks we sold. They sold out in minutes!

Today gave me an ephipany of what we should sell at the MS Carnival in August. :)

So, after the whole event ended, the student council members made up for lost time by running our own races. I got silver for both 100m and 400m. I could've easily won gold for both if I really wanted to but I didn't want to, so I settled for second place since I've always preferred being second best. It takes the attention off you but you know that you're better than most of the rest ;).

PPB planned to go for swimming afterwards, Malcolm invited me for tennis and Dinie asked me to accompany him play squash. I decided to turn all of them down and just head home for a few hours of shut eye. It didn't even take me a few minutes in the car to pass out. Must've been due to the bloody heat and me standing all morning. That and the fact that I've only slept for 8 hours for the past two days, I think I almost fainted. My head was all ditzy and aching, my breathe out of tempo and my eyes unfocused. I'm glad I made it home and managed to wash away all my sweat before dozing off into heavenly bliss on the black couch. I ended up regretting it later with a pain in my neck.

I'm starting to love being back early from school. This is frightening. I'm also starting to get addicted to Zah's Vico Cake, American Idol and Australian Next Top Model (what the hell?). Skins too, haha. Not for kids below Pre-U. ;)

Let it rock.

I'm currently obsessed with football and we all know that obsession is never a good thing. It's endlessly taking up my valuable free time and honestly, I've been ignoring my school work for it. Is there a cure for this sickness? Because I need serious help.

Alright, it's been awhile since I've done this. I know I haven't updated for a long while now and I'm sorry, it's not because I'm too busy or anything but it's just because I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm speechless. My life is as lively as a funeral. People have more fun in a cemetery!

So that's the reason why I've been trying to avoid school as much as I can. I went back early (at 12.30pm) on Saturday (for the first time in 3 years!) and I decided not to go to school on yesterday. Why? Officially, it's because I had a headache. Honestly, I just didn't feel like going, haha. Who knew that in my early departure and absence that I would miss a lot. I'm not talking about my studies (I'm not THAT nerdy) but about social stuff like gossips, futsal, hanging out, those kind of stuff.

Somehow, I want to be apart of everything. I just want to be there when something happens. I need to know. I'm curious by nature, that's why I love reading. The source behind my love for a good story, my love for history, my love for science. What was I talking about again?

I really, really don't want to miss a thing. Aerosmith was right on the money when he wrote that song.

I got new spectacles tonight. My parents bought them at Giant. No, it's not the usual $10 (from the price of $12) ones with those painted rims. No, this one is an Armani. Yes, for once my glasses are branded. :) It's not what you think. It doesn't cost hundreds of dollars, it just costs $18, haha :) How do I keep getting all these stuff with these outrageous prices?! Giant, of course. Where else?

I wish I could be
As cruel as you
And I wish I could say
The things you do
But I can't and I won't live a lie
No, not this time.

It's different now.

Things have changed. For better or for worse, it has changed.

I'm not emo.

Ayyub told me that I'm emo. HAHA.

Anyway, last night was stupid.

I was too tired, too sleepy and a little too cramped to go but no, I had to go. I was forced and I had to comply.

So I went. And I wasted my time trying to stay awake.

I arrived home at 6pm and straight away I was limping back into the car.

The whole ceremony ended at 11pm.

I was brain-dead by the time I got home.

The very reason why I overslept and woke up at 7.49am. I was late for the band and yeah.

Instruments arrived a few days ago but no flutes. They said it'll come by the end of April :(

That's about it. I don't know what else to say, haha.

Spain, here I come.

I made up my mind, I'll be living in Spain once I'm done with Brunei :)

If that can't happen, I'll just live in Denmark or France. I'm also going to start learning French and Spanish ;)

I've always loved Spain.

Anyway, the MS Futsal League which I organized started today and my team lost :( 2-1 to Outsyders Alpha but that doesn't matter. Not yet anyway.

But everything comes with a price and my price for making this league was that I missed out a very important meeting with the principal. I'm sorry Ummi but I had to be there :(

Now I have to make a decision. A very important decision - and I say no. I will not cut my hair. Not until June :D

Okay, since tonight I'm a little free because I don't have to think about any proposals so I'm going to reorganize my life :) I've got additional responsibilities and they just can't fit in to my current schedule.

I'm a Z-Class. I know some of you says that we're nerds, geeks. You may say that we have no life but in reality, we're having the time of our lives. Every single moment of our lives is filled with something to do and there's never a dull moment. Seriously. You people are the ones who have no life ;)

Me, Tawa and Syahmi fixed the broken chairs in the Counseling Room and wow, it was fun. :D We'll try to fix the sofa tomorrow but we're not sure where to get the materials from so I was thinking of bringing something from home. I'll ask the rest to help along.

I don't want to go Squash tomorrow. I'm too tired and there's too many homework and projects for me to do. I think I'm gonna skip to the counseling room, haha.

AND no, I don't think I have time for a girl in life at the moment. HAHA. Just wanted to say that out loud. Hope I get paid tonight.

:(

I went blog surfing just now and I came across this blog where there's this song called RIver Flows in You by Hito. It's from Twilight, I believe.

It's such a wonderful song. When it played, tears flowed. My god, that's strange.

I've been on a emotional roller-coaster lately and it's weird. I never would have seen myself as a sensitive one and maybe I'm not but something's been bothering me lately.

The holidays are officially over and I have mixed feelings about going to school tomorrow.

A part of me longs to see my friends and teachers again but another part of me wishes all of them to just fade away. I think I still need a few days (weeks?) on my own. But one way or another, I'll still have to go tomorrow.

I don't need this. I need something else. I need comfort. I need help. :(

Jai Ho!

I read somewhere that Jai Ho means "may victory be yours".

That's exactly the kind of song to listen to early in the morning! :D Thank you Raihan for your persistence in loving that song.

Talking in a language everyone around you don't understand is cool. It's no wonder that kids love to make up their own language for fun. But that's not my point. I think that people who speaks different languages are cool. I would love to learn to speak them. I would especially love to learn French, the language of love ;) and Spanish, the language of passion. Maybe Italian, German or Dutch as well :p

I prefer blogging to facebook. It's more.. private. Plus, you can write anything here without others you don't know reading them as well. Here, I could be myself :)

Earth Hour passed yesterday and it was great :) 28th March 2009 will forever be remembered as my first Earth Hour and Amalia's 18th birthday ;) haha you're legal now :D sorry I couldn't make it to your BBQ :( Hope you enjoyed your day though, it's not everyday that you turn 18 :)

Earth Hour. I stargazed into the night :) I saw a flashback of my youth and I remembered how much I wanted to be an astronomer and an astronaut so that I could explore the universe. But I realize now that maybe I should just stick to Earth where home is :)

So now I just have to think about Earth Day. I'll be on the 22nd April 2009 and me and Ummi needs to present a working paper on it as soon as possible!

I think I'm starting to love all this environmental stuff again :) I miss MS Youth Initiative. That's why I'm thinking of re-establishing the club. But I don't know how.. I think I should ask some of the teachers to help me. I know that people ARE willing to join. The Earth needs help and we know it. Change is in the air.

29th March 2009, today's the last day before school and I'm happy :) part of me is sad that this is all over but a huge part of me is relieve and excited that I'll be seeing my friends again soon :D it has been a long week and I miss them a lot. I miss them so much. They're the only reason I go facebooking ;D

MS Youth Initiative 09'. My, won't that be a feat? :)

I'm still confused :s I don't know what I want to be when I'm older.

In Kem Qiadah V, there was this time when this inspirational speaker asked us to visualize where we think we would be in ten years. I couldn't see past high school. I couldn't see past MS. I couldn't see past my friends. I couldn't see past anything :( I almost cried. I don't know what I want to be and I'm running out of time. I need to decide soon.

I need help. :(

A promise

Guess I won't be going to the beach then :(

I had a.. tiring day yesterday.

Band was okay, it was great even if I didn't get the flute then. They say the next shipment will come in April so I'll just have to be patient :)

I didn't know that my cousin will "nikah" that afternoon. Seriously, wow. But I'm not surprised. I've always been a nobody to my extended family. A freak, a nerd, hah. I don't care, they're poklens :O

I don't know why but somehow I just.. feel weird among some of my girl cousins, hah. No matter how much I tried to fit in, it just doens't feel the same. I mean, I do have fun when I am with them but that's just that. I used to be close with them. I used to love them. I just.. don't feel the same anymore. I feel like an outcast among them.

Which brings us back to my cousin's exchanging of oaths. I really didn't want to come. I didn't want to see them, hah.

But it was pretty much okay. Ajim was there and we hung out together, made jokes, laughed. Yunos, Shafiee and Hambali wasn't there but that's okay, they almost never do come to this kind of events. I miss the guys' sleepover we used to have whenever the holidays come :(

So I woke up at 5am and showered, onlined and listened to Davinchi and Maksim until I reached school at 8am. The band dragged on until 11am but my parents fetched me almost an hour late since they were helping my cousin with her "nikah". Prayed the Jumaat prayers and almost immediately went to Suzie's place. The oath exchange took about 5 hours and I got home just in time to shower and wait for my pupils.

Tuition started at 7.30pm and ended at 9.30pm. So what I'm trying to say is that I didn't have any spare time yesterday that I couldn't finish my homework. Heck, I didn't even touch my homework.

I can't complain though, I enjoyed the first and last moments of my day. I especially loved tuition. I love being a teacher and I love teaching. I just don't think I want to be a teacher for life :(

I love the feeling, I seriously do. I think I'm doing a great job with them and I won't stop. I'll get better :D you'll see.

I miss my friends :( I miss my friends, my friends and I especially miss her :(

Force of habit

I woke up at 5am :)

There will be band practice later and I hope that I'll get the flute today :D I've been waiting for so long now and I don't know, me and Syahmi are really looking forward to it. Too bad he's still off in Hong Kong, haha so yeah.

I've been listening to Davinchi - Love & War, Maksim Mrvica's rhapsodies, a thailand song name Sabbai-Sabbai and Seize the Day by Avenged Sevenfold. I don't know what's wrong with me. These are songs from very different genres but then again, my playlist have always been weird, random. Shrinks would say that I have split personalities, haha.

I've just realized that a lot of people are starting to read my blog, haha so I won't really be posting PERSONAL stuff here :D or I'll just make it ambiguous and confusing.

I think I'm going to cut my hair. Or maybe I should just let it grow long. :( I don't know what to do. If I had the money, I'll have bought wax by now, hah.

What are my plans for today..?

Oh man, I have tuition class later on :( haha I'll just have to finish my homework at night then. Everything needs to be over and done with by tonight. No excuses! I'm going to make myself and ultimatum: finish everything or don't go to the beach. :(

I think that's about all for this morning. Hope you people have a great day today because I know I will :D

Carpe Diem

I just realize that life is just too short to spend on worrying about trivial matters.

It's been 3 days since camp ended and I'm finally collected all the pieces in my mind. Long story short, I'm finally thinking straight again.

Facebook is a menace. It's really taking all of my time.

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is we have to live our lives to the fullest. Why would anyone waste their time sitting in front of a computer and staring into the screen, waiting for a pop-up. You could use that time to do something useful, example: explore the world, exercise, study, talk, communicate.

That's just the problem with modern day teenagers. They spend too much time on the phone or on the computer. There's no interface anymore. No more face-to-face talk. No wonder we're spineless.

:(

See the stab..? But blogging is good. It's really, really good. ;)

I wish I could fill my time doing useful stuff. Holidays surfed by so fast and I'm really running out of time. So here's what I plan to do for the remainder of my 3 days of relaxation:

1. Do sit-ups.
2. Do push-ups.
3. Run laps.
4. Jump high.
5. Dance.
6. Leap frog.
7. Sing.

What the hell, haha. But seriously, I want to do them. Let's continue:

8. Go to the beach.
9. Catch a movie.
10. Eat with my friends.
11. Buy a present for Amalia, haha.
12. Slap my cousins on the back.
13. Finish of all my homework.
14. Study 2 or 3 topics in advance for all my subjects.
15. Change my blog layout.
16. Have a heart-to-heart talk with someone.
17. Dance in the rain, haha. I never get tired doing this.
18. Apologize to people about stuff I did.
19. Buy a meaningful book.
20. Get $100.

So, that's about it. All I have to do is figure out how to cram all that into 3 days and 4 nights but I'm not worried, I've been through Kem Qiadah V :)

Live your life! Seize the day! The world is yours for the taking!