:(

I went blog surfing just now and I came across this blog where there's this song called RIver Flows in You by Hito. It's from Twilight, I believe.

It's such a wonderful song. When it played, tears flowed. My god, that's strange.

I've been on a emotional roller-coaster lately and it's weird. I never would have seen myself as a sensitive one and maybe I'm not but something's been bothering me lately.

The holidays are officially over and I have mixed feelings about going to school tomorrow.

A part of me longs to see my friends and teachers again but another part of me wishes all of them to just fade away. I think I still need a few days (weeks?) on my own. But one way or another, I'll still have to go tomorrow.

I don't need this. I need something else. I need comfort. I need help. :(

Jai Ho!

I read somewhere that Jai Ho means "may victory be yours".

That's exactly the kind of song to listen to early in the morning! :D Thank you Raihan for your persistence in loving that song.

Talking in a language everyone around you don't understand is cool. It's no wonder that kids love to make up their own language for fun. But that's not my point. I think that people who speaks different languages are cool. I would love to learn to speak them. I would especially love to learn French, the language of love ;) and Spanish, the language of passion. Maybe Italian, German or Dutch as well :p

I prefer blogging to facebook. It's more.. private. Plus, you can write anything here without others you don't know reading them as well. Here, I could be myself :)

Earth Hour passed yesterday and it was great :) 28th March 2009 will forever be remembered as my first Earth Hour and Amalia's 18th birthday ;) haha you're legal now :D sorry I couldn't make it to your BBQ :( Hope you enjoyed your day though, it's not everyday that you turn 18 :)

Earth Hour. I stargazed into the night :) I saw a flashback of my youth and I remembered how much I wanted to be an astronomer and an astronaut so that I could explore the universe. But I realize now that maybe I should just stick to Earth where home is :)

So now I just have to think about Earth Day. I'll be on the 22nd April 2009 and me and Ummi needs to present a working paper on it as soon as possible!

I think I'm starting to love all this environmental stuff again :) I miss MS Youth Initiative. That's why I'm thinking of re-establishing the club. But I don't know how.. I think I should ask some of the teachers to help me. I know that people ARE willing to join. The Earth needs help and we know it. Change is in the air.

29th March 2009, today's the last day before school and I'm happy :) part of me is sad that this is all over but a huge part of me is relieve and excited that I'll be seeing my friends again soon :D it has been a long week and I miss them a lot. I miss them so much. They're the only reason I go facebooking ;D

MS Youth Initiative 09'. My, won't that be a feat? :)

I'm still confused :s I don't know what I want to be when I'm older.

In Kem Qiadah V, there was this time when this inspirational speaker asked us to visualize where we think we would be in ten years. I couldn't see past high school. I couldn't see past MS. I couldn't see past my friends. I couldn't see past anything :( I almost cried. I don't know what I want to be and I'm running out of time. I need to decide soon.

I need help. :(

A promise

Guess I won't be going to the beach then :(

I had a.. tiring day yesterday.

Band was okay, it was great even if I didn't get the flute then. They say the next shipment will come in April so I'll just have to be patient :)

I didn't know that my cousin will "nikah" that afternoon. Seriously, wow. But I'm not surprised. I've always been a nobody to my extended family. A freak, a nerd, hah. I don't care, they're poklens :O

I don't know why but somehow I just.. feel weird among some of my girl cousins, hah. No matter how much I tried to fit in, it just doens't feel the same. I mean, I do have fun when I am with them but that's just that. I used to be close with them. I used to love them. I just.. don't feel the same anymore. I feel like an outcast among them.

Which brings us back to my cousin's exchanging of oaths. I really didn't want to come. I didn't want to see them, hah.

But it was pretty much okay. Ajim was there and we hung out together, made jokes, laughed. Yunos, Shafiee and Hambali wasn't there but that's okay, they almost never do come to this kind of events. I miss the guys' sleepover we used to have whenever the holidays come :(

So I woke up at 5am and showered, onlined and listened to Davinchi and Maksim until I reached school at 8am. The band dragged on until 11am but my parents fetched me almost an hour late since they were helping my cousin with her "nikah". Prayed the Jumaat prayers and almost immediately went to Suzie's place. The oath exchange took about 5 hours and I got home just in time to shower and wait for my pupils.

Tuition started at 7.30pm and ended at 9.30pm. So what I'm trying to say is that I didn't have any spare time yesterday that I couldn't finish my homework. Heck, I didn't even touch my homework.

I can't complain though, I enjoyed the first and last moments of my day. I especially loved tuition. I love being a teacher and I love teaching. I just don't think I want to be a teacher for life :(

I love the feeling, I seriously do. I think I'm doing a great job with them and I won't stop. I'll get better :D you'll see.

I miss my friends :( I miss my friends, my friends and I especially miss her :(

Force of habit

I woke up at 5am :)

There will be band practice later and I hope that I'll get the flute today :D I've been waiting for so long now and I don't know, me and Syahmi are really looking forward to it. Too bad he's still off in Hong Kong, haha so yeah.

I've been listening to Davinchi - Love & War, Maksim Mrvica's rhapsodies, a thailand song name Sabbai-Sabbai and Seize the Day by Avenged Sevenfold. I don't know what's wrong with me. These are songs from very different genres but then again, my playlist have always been weird, random. Shrinks would say that I have split personalities, haha.

I've just realized that a lot of people are starting to read my blog, haha so I won't really be posting PERSONAL stuff here :D or I'll just make it ambiguous and confusing.

I think I'm going to cut my hair. Or maybe I should just let it grow long. :( I don't know what to do. If I had the money, I'll have bought wax by now, hah.

What are my plans for today..?

Oh man, I have tuition class later on :( haha I'll just have to finish my homework at night then. Everything needs to be over and done with by tonight. No excuses! I'm going to make myself and ultimatum: finish everything or don't go to the beach. :(

I think that's about all for this morning. Hope you people have a great day today because I know I will :D

Carpe Diem

I just realize that life is just too short to spend on worrying about trivial matters.

It's been 3 days since camp ended and I'm finally collected all the pieces in my mind. Long story short, I'm finally thinking straight again.

Facebook is a menace. It's really taking all of my time.

Anyway, what I'm really trying to say is we have to live our lives to the fullest. Why would anyone waste their time sitting in front of a computer and staring into the screen, waiting for a pop-up. You could use that time to do something useful, example: explore the world, exercise, study, talk, communicate.

That's just the problem with modern day teenagers. They spend too much time on the phone or on the computer. There's no interface anymore. No more face-to-face talk. No wonder we're spineless.

:(

See the stab..? But blogging is good. It's really, really good. ;)

I wish I could fill my time doing useful stuff. Holidays surfed by so fast and I'm really running out of time. So here's what I plan to do for the remainder of my 3 days of relaxation:

1. Do sit-ups.
2. Do push-ups.
3. Run laps.
4. Jump high.
5. Dance.
6. Leap frog.
7. Sing.

What the hell, haha. But seriously, I want to do them. Let's continue:

8. Go to the beach.
9. Catch a movie.
10. Eat with my friends.
11. Buy a present for Amalia, haha.
12. Slap my cousins on the back.
13. Finish of all my homework.
14. Study 2 or 3 topics in advance for all my subjects.
15. Change my blog layout.
16. Have a heart-to-heart talk with someone.
17. Dance in the rain, haha. I never get tired doing this.
18. Apologize to people about stuff I did.
19. Buy a meaningful book.
20. Get $100.

So, that's about it. All I have to do is figure out how to cram all that into 3 days and 4 nights but I'm not worried, I've been through Kem Qiadah V :)

Live your life! Seize the day! The world is yours for the taking!

Seize the day by Avenged Sevenfold

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost

It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
These's streets we traveled on will undergo our same lost past

I found you here, now please just stay for a while
I can move on with you around
I hand you my mortal life, but will it be forever?
I'll do anything for a smile, holding you 'til our time is done
We both know the day will come, but I don't want to leave you

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one PICTURE)

Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over

Newborn life replacing all of us, changing this fable we live in
No longer needed here so where do we go?
Will you take a journey tonight, follow me past the walls of death?
But girl, what if there is no eternal life?

I see my vision burn, I feel my memories fade with time
But I'm too young to worry
(a melody, a memory, or just one PICTURE)

Seize the day or die regretting the time You lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

So what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again? Whooooah
So I never want to leave you and the memories OF us to see
I beg don't leave me

Seize the day or die regretting the time You lost
It's empty and cold without you here, too many people to ache over
Trials in life, questions of us existing here
Don't wanna die alone without you here
Please tell me what we have is real

(Silence, you lost me-- no chance for one more day)
(Silence, you lost me-- no chance for one more day)
(I stand here alone
Falling away from you, no chance to get back home) x2

(Silence, you lost me-- no chance for one more day)
(Silence, you lost me-- no chance for one more day)

To the unsung heroes of Kem Qiadah

As some of you may already know, Kem Qiadah was officially held from the 20th to 23rd at Maktab Sains PSBS. The participants were required to stay there for the duration of the camp and were not allowed to bring electronic devices. The activities were no easy feat, although some people would scoff and say "sekadar." It took both physical and mental endurance to march with the police force for nearly three hours, navigate FOUR HILLS at Bukit Shahbandar and ran around Muara Beach solving quizzes and physical tests alike. These were all done under the HOT BLAZING SUN. During the whole time, we observed the Ahli Jawatankuasa (AJK) - the pra-U one PRS members - and we all commented on just how LUCKY they are, for they were excluded from the rigorous activities. We didn't stop to think that they were suffering just as much as we were.

Being sleep deprived, hungry and bone-tired makes us more susceptible to forgetting the efforts of others and actually thanking them. While the teachers also did their share of work, it was the AJK who worked tirelessly till 3 in the morning, to ensure our time at Kem Qiadah would not be fruitless. They are the ones who went through the Shahbandar hills and Muara beach first, just to prepare our games, to make sure they would go off without a hitch. So, in truth, they went through what we did, perhaps even more. So I think we should all congratulate the AJK, the behind-the-scene people, who were mostly forgotten by the teachers and students alike.

Thank you for thinking of our well-being, for making sure we were fed, for taking time off your holiday to be there for us. Let's not forget that these student leaders are 16-18 years old, too young, I think, to be shouldering such heavy burdens as taking care of their fellow peers. Also, keep in mind that had they not given their best in their work, we would've been more sleep-deprived, hungry and tired. So, on the behalf of every Kem Qiadah participant, I wish all of you my most heartfelt thanks. Looking forward to seeing what other amazing feats you guys are capable of in the future! SYABAS!!

And extra thanks to Rachel Lai for attempting to upload the massive number of photos she took! Also, sorry if I forgot to tag some people. Mention and I'll tag them.

Lots of love,
Aqilah (and all Kem Qiadah participants)

*btw, my toothbrush and toothpaste are missing. Ada di gym? Sorry :S

Kem Qiadah V

Kem Qiadah V is finally over ;)

A look through the eyes of an AJK:

I thought the first few hours was hell when we had to rearrange the cafeteria tables and chairs, carry bottles after bottles of water from the HEP all the way to the canteen, move back and forth from the auditorium to the girl's hostel to the gym and to everywhere else.

I was wrong, that was just the beginning. Imagine doing all those things over and over and over again. Imagine running around Bandar Seri Begawan, Bukit Shahbandar and Muara Beach. Imagine doing all those hard work and not even acknowledged by the teachers. Imagine being criticize for DOING them. That's what we endured while you were out having fun. How could you say we had it easy? How could you say THAT was nothing compared to what you did? You were sleep-deprived? Hungry? Sometimes, we just slept for 1 hour! Sometimes, we starved for 24 hours! Our food was your left-overs. What you didn't want, we ate. When you complained that you didn't get enough food what did you think we had? On the flip side though, we got the air-conditioned room. I mean, ROOMS.

Stupid, stupid, stupid her. I don't know if she read blogs but I'll just call her Ms. Moley. Maybe you'll know her ;) She lives in the counseling room. She's the cause of most of our grief and pain. We paid $30 to WORK. We didn't even participate in the events. She didn't even thanked us.

Everything else just cruised through my head so I don't really remember much except being with the other AJKs. Seriously, if it wasn't for them, I don't know how I'll survive those hellish 4 days and 3 nights. We stuck by each other through the complains, through the suffering. We made jokes about it, we laughed it off because we knew that whatever happens, we'll always have each other. We provided a shoulder for one another to lean on and helped whenever we can and we had fun doing it.

Whenever we can, we'll relax with Tekken 5, Big 2 or just hanging out with each other. We'll eat, sleep, complain and laugh together as if we don't have a care in the world. Most importantly, we bonded in ways we never did before. For once, I actually understand why people hate her.

I'm not sure if this post is coherrent or not but I just want to get this out of my system.

But even though we suffered, I will never regret joining Kem Qiadah. Especially looking at the looks and faces of all those happy kids. It made me feel that it was worth it. It was worth seeing all those happy faces and laughter. It was worth the trouble.

So in a way, I did enjoyed it and strangely, I'm missing it. I miss everyone.. and I'm really going miss you guys if you leave. So please don't. I know I'm being selfish but I'll be lonely. Do you really want to leave us to deal with that lame monster all by ourselves? :(

Best week ever! ;)

Liverpool won, 4-1 against Manchester United ;)

3 days ago, 4-0 against Real Madrid ;)

At first, I was worried because Liverpool was constantly under attacked by Manchester's strikers during the first quarter of the match. The penalty conceded by Reina and taken by Christiano Ronaldo made it even worse. So Liverpool was down 0-1.

But Liverpool being as they are would always respond to a challenge and equalized with Torres just 5 minutes later.

Both teams played well but Gerrard's penalty gave Liverpool a 2-1 lead before the half-time whistle. Way to go Gerrard!

The second half started without much action but a second yellow card for Vidic gave Liverpool a free kick and Aurelio clinched the ball to the back of the net with a wide-eyed van der Sar helpless. He didn't even react. So, 3-1.

Dossena rubbed salt all over Fergurson's deep wound with another goal in the last minute with a magnificent lob towards the goal. What a lovely night this has turned out to be. ;)

Congratulations to Liverpool for closing the gap on Manchester United and especially to Dossena for his second ever goal for Liverpool and his first a few days ago against Real Madrid.

I only with that Robbie Keane was there to celebrate alongside the Liverpool players but alas, that dream will never be realized. He should've been given more time Rafa, you should know that. He's a wonderful player and he could've been even better.

But all in all, it's been a great week for Liverpool. Especially for Rafa Benitez. This game was his centrion (100th) win for Liverpool. Go Liverpool! Stay fit Torres, keep on shooting Gerrard and don't stop scoring Dossena. ;)

This has certainly been the best week ever for Liverpool and its fans.

I hope this feeling will last forever.

It's official, I'm in the band. :)

And the instrument I choose is the flute. Maybe after I've mastered the flute, I'll learn how to play the piano and guitar as well. Yes, I'm that hopeful. :)

I arrived exactly at 8.00am. The others came around 9. That's what I call fashionably late. But the instructors arrived around the same time too, so yeah.

I learned how read and write music today, for the very first time in my life. :) I enjoyed it so much and the instructor, wow. His voice, beautiful.

They say that the flute may be ready for me on Sunday, so I'll be there.

I love the atmosphere of the school on a weekend. So empty and vast. The silence was the best.

I didn't want to let all that feeling go to waste so I jogged and explored the whole school. I felt so free. Even though my body still aches from yesterday but I have no regrets.

Anyway, I tutored the students again. I think I'm starting to love teaching. ;)

I just wanted to post this up because I just don't want to forget how I feel the way I feel today, tonight, right now. I can't describe it but I know that I'll always remember it whenever I read back on this day.

Tomorrow is Arif's birthday party and I still haven't found my clothes yet. :( Damn.

Goodnight everybody. :) I love you all.

Sports Selection 09.

I think I'm getting old.

I used to participate in ALL of the sports available for me but this year, I just tried 3.

But I did ran the 100m race twice and got number 2 with 12s. I lost to Sofian, so yeah.

I tried Javelin next and it flew far but not far enough apparently, so that's the end of that sad chapter of my life.

My highlight of the day though was the 9.57m Shot Putt I threw. I qualified first place with no one even coming close to that score ;). I just hope I'll get a medal this year.

PPB and Outsyders went swimming after the selections but not before we stopped by the tennis courts and saw many, many great young tennis players of Asia (and some Europeans) and wow, were they hot. They were sizzling. Sexy. ;)

So, we watched them play as we ate for about an hour before we set off for the swimming pool.

It was damn fun. Tiring but fun. Swam around for about 3 hours.

We planned to play tennis after the swim but since the tennis courts were all fully booked, we decided to just hang out in their canteen until our parents came. Apparently, Brunei's Chess Association is located in the same building as the tennis complex. Maybe I'll stop by sometime.

There's a school magazine commity this year. The first of its kind in our school so everyone's pretty hyped about it. Lots of people wants to join it, including yours truly. ;) Man, I have no life.

Oh, and another important thing. I've decided to be the Maktab Sains Band and I hope I'll get the flute. I really hope so, if not I'll just get back out. ;) So, me and Syahmi will come tomorrow to join the band.

I think that's about all I have to say. Thank you Mr. Jee for teaching Z-class about sport physics yesterday. It was fun and very interesting.

So to Faruq, what was all that about? Now I'll just be more awkward around him, haha. To Hafizuddin (if you happen to read this), I'm sorry for your CD. I know it's been ages. I'll repay it with something else. What would you like?

I'll end this post with a hope of mine and that hope is for Laksama will win the sport events again this year! Go LAKSAMANA!

The urge to scream.

I personally prefer Hey Monday to Paramore. I think it's because they're more pop-ish.

Tuition is actually fun, haha.

So, it's already March. I think I need to do something with my school stuff. It needs re-organizing.

I also need to catch up on all my unfinished homework ;). Maybe tomorrow.

I think I lost my MP3. I hope it's somewhere around here.

I have to choose whether I should spend this weekend trying to win $150 at Yayasan, swim at the stadium (followed by tennis) or just stay home and catch up on my school work.

Kem Qiadah is coming and I can't wait!

I love life as a student council member.

I'm falling for someone and I still can't choose between medicine, engineering or teaching.

Weak.

It has been a very tiring week.. and it's not even over yet.

Monday- Nothing out of the blue in school. Tuition started ;).

Tuesday- Escaped school, slept at home instead.

Wednesday- Played a football match with the MPs. We lost, 8-10, to the form 4s. Beginner's luck! We were leading 7-4! Doesn't matter, it was fun :D. Tuition night again, it was supposedly from 7.30pm to 9.00pm but I must've lost track of time and extended it to 10.03pm since their parents won't come until then. So yeah, it was tiring but kinda fun (and very, very satisfying).

Today:

Most of my classmates (15 of them to be exact) went to Ministry of Education this morning for some scholarship thing. I wasn't invited.. as well as my 4 other remaining classmates. So sad, haha.

Squash with Dinie during CCA. I got him hooked to the sport and now I think he's addicted to it. It was fun but I was tired out really early. I guess it must've been from yesterday. I also just slept for 5 hours last night, just a random fact.

Anyway, I'm the Assistant Head of Social and Marketting Group 2009/10. We're still thinking of a great name to call ourselves, seeing that "Social and Marketting" is a mouthful. Maybe I should consider S&M? Could work, haha. Or Teh Tarik..

Oh and Faruq's going to play squash soon too. ;) Another victim to squash, haha.

Unexpected.

I began tutoring tonight and I WASN'T EVEN PREPARED! Not because I was lazy (maybe, slightly) but because it was suppose to start on Wednesday. Somehow, the parents misheard or misunderstood and sent them 2 days early.

So, I improvised and helped them through some maths. I hope I did okay.

Let's move on, so today was a slow if not boring day. I think I slept halfway through the biology surprise test, haha.

The Student Council held a meeting today, not much to say.

Oh yes, I decided to just teach chemistry and maths. I think I'll get $180 per month from teaching 4 pupils, do the maths.

So, I am taking 5 subjects, coping with all the homework, being a Student Council and teaching tuition. Man, I love my life. ;)

Too bad I don't have any. I'm just glad tonight is over but I am seriously not looking forward for tomorrow. Come on, I still have chemistry, physics and pure maths unfinished homework and ANOTHER biology surprise test! Plus, a chemistry practical from 3-5pm!

God, I can't wait for the week to end.

Oh and another thing, the Brunei National Day Celebration was great! I forgot to mention it earlier but I take back all that I've said before and wow, the best celebration in Brunei ever!